hello 2012.

Yesterday something unexpected happened, one which I'm afraid I can't hash out over here for some privacy concerns, not that I believe anyone really cares to read my rantings here. But yeah.. yesterday something did happen, at first I really couldn't figure out if I was going to be happy or be upset about it 'cause half of my heart says I enjoyed it then the other half wants to feel guilty...but then.. my ego said it was out of my control anyway and I wasn't responsible for initiating it in the first place. That wasn't the first time it happened but it did not occur to me that it may happen again or that i should expect it to happen again. It troubled my sanity and I felt so confused and I hate feeling confusion after having to go through everything I did just to set my perspectives clear and straight. 

Do I regret giving in to yesterday's situation? Was it right to end my year like that? I don't have a straightforward answer.. but I have resolved to just offer gratitude over whatever yesterday brought me. I think that how i reacted to the situation might be considered wrong for a pessimist's point of view, but I'm sorry to say that I'm not like that, I don't hover too long on negative vibrations and that for whatever its worth I settle into just giving gratitude a shot. Gratitude for having been given another time to challenge some welled up emotions and having been able to let maturity deal with it. Knowing that everything always happen for a reason. 

Below is a poem/excerpt I wanna share to you, this moved me in a lot of ways and I hope it does the same thing for you as well..

YOU LEARN

by Jorge Luis Borges

After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes open

with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child

And you learn to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

After a while you learn..

that even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure.

That you really are strong.

And you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn..

With every goodbye you learn.

So goodbye 2011 and hello 2012! HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! I'm pretty much excited on the things that awaits me this year.. I 've grown tired of making resolutions that's why I'm not making any specifics. I just want this year to be a continuity of the growth (in all aspects) that had accumulated over the last year.

Cheers to a new beginning!.. :]